Research Participants Needed

I have been in contact with a doctoral student, Andrea, for some time now, who has recently been approved to conduct a research study. As you may have guessed, it has to do with police wives. Andrea is looking for 10 police wives to complete a short interview with her over the phone or via Skype/Gchat Video. If you are interested in helping her, please read the following advertisement and contact Andrea for more information and to participate. Her email is included at the bottom of the post. Good luck with your research Andrea!

Are you the wife of a male police officer?

 

How have you addressed the challenges associated with a police marriage?

 

 I am a doctoral student conducting research about how police marriages address the challenges that come with police work.  The purpose of my research is to explore the strategies that female spouses of male police officers use to maintain their marriages and support their husbands as they face the stresses of police work.  Semi-structured interviews will be conducted in person, by telephone or over the Internet to identify what sorts of daily coping skills and strategies wives employ to support their marriages and their spouses.  The interviews should take no more than 30 – 60 minutes, are entirely voluntary, and your confidentiality is assured. To participate in this study, you must be female, at least 18 years of age, and be married to a police officer for at least one year.  In addition, you must be able to complete a written questionnaire in English, be able to participate in an individual interview in English, and have access to the Internet or a telephone.

Identifying the coping skills utilized by female spouses of male police officers may have positive implications for professional practice.  Future police officers and their spouses may be able to learn from the strategies you use to support your marriage and your spouse.    Also, it is my hope that police departments will review this study and place more emphasis on the role of family during police academy training and implement more supports for police families.

 

For more information about my study and to participate, please contact me at Andrea.Dinsmore@gmail.com.

Your Daily Laugh

Guardian of the Golden Gate Bridge

This video is worth watching. It especially touched me because HF has dealt with a number of suicides/suicidal people and has even been called while at home to deal with someone that he had previous encounters with that would only speak to him. If you have 5 minutes or so, it will be worth your time. We can always use a positive LEO story, can't we?

new LEO blogs

I hope you all had a fabulous Halloween. We went to our children's school for a Halloween parade and celebrated a certain 4 year old's birthday. When our children went to bed, we ate their candy.

 

In other news, I just wanted to post some new to me LEO blogs. If you're not already reading, Go. Read. Report. I'm just kidding about the report part. Also, if you have a LEO-related blog or know of any other blogs or websites that you think we should be reading, and I haven't posted a link to it, please leave me a comment or send me an email and I will update my links.  apolicewife@gmail.com

 

www.mypolicewifelife.blogspot.com

www.thecopswife.blogspot.com

www.arookieswife.blogspot.com

www.imarriedthedeputy.blogspot.com

http://911-dispatcher.com

http://www.copswifeslife.blogspot.com/

NRA Life of Duty Patriot Profiles "DEVER"

I love these documentaries put out by NRA Life of Duty.

NRA Life of Duty presented by Brownells and Smith & Wesson are paying tribute this month to the last of the great cowboy sheriffs Larry Dever – a man who always stood up for his beliefs regardless of the cost. View the Patriot Profile Trailer below and visit the NRA Life of Duty Patriot Profiles channel sponsored by Smith & Wesson for more documentaries at www.nralifeofduty.tv/patriotprofiles.

View the Full Feature at the link below and watch more documentaries and tributes on the NRA Life of Duty Patriot Profiles channel sponsored by Smith and Wesson at www.nralifeofduty.tv/patriotprofiles. 
 http://www.nralifeofduty.tv/#/patriotprofiles/video/745

 

Also check out the Pinal County SWAT team: Scout Eviction - http://www.nralifeofduty.tv/#/home/video/738

 

a conversation

Let me set the scene. We were lying in bed in the middle of the night awake. HF was laying on his back and I was spooning his side with my right leg draped over him. He was playing with my hair. It was pure bliss. I whispered and asked, like many do in this situation, "What are you thinking about?"

HF was quiet for a moment and then he answered softly, "Head shots".

*crickets*

Me: what?!
HF:  I'm visualizing making accurate head shots with my AR compensating for mechanical offset.
Me:  That's messed up.
HF:  No it's not. We're encouraged to do that

*goes on to describe the visualization process to lucky ol' me*

Me:  And I thought the prolonged silence  meant you were thinking romantical thoughts about me...

brothers and the brotherhood

image found here

 

I talked to my brother today. He is a cop in Southern California. He called to tell us he made the SWAT team. I asked him what his wife thought about it. He said, "She thinks it's hot". I laughed. Of course she would. I asked him what our mother thought. He said, "I haven't told her yet". I can guarantee you her reaction will be one of fear, worry, and dread. But isn't that how a mother should react? Perhaps. I suspect a mother never stops worrying about her kids and wanting to protec them in anyway she can.

Our conversation got me thinking about my relationship with my brother. When HF was in the academy, he called us often and gave us lots of support, love, and advice. I was able to ask questions, vent, and HF had someone he could trust and talk to that was on the "inside".

When HF graduated, he came to the graduation and the festivities. He was able to present HF his "diploma" as tradition allowed family members who are LEOs to do so. Once again, he was full of support, love, and advice.

When something big happens to HF at work and I have no one to talk to, I call my brother to tell him about it. He calms my worries, offers his support, love, advice, and sometimes calls HF to check on him and commiserate.

As the years are starting to creep by in LEO world, there's been a shift. When something happens to my brother at work, good or bad, he calls me. Sometimes in the middle of his story, littered with 10-codes and the like, he'll pause and ask, "Do you know what I'm saying?" and I can assuredly say, "yes, I know what you are talking about" with a smile on my face as he continues his story.

There's an unwritten code that exists not only among family members, but among the LEO family. It may not click the first few months or years while you are getting your feet wet, but when it clicks, you will know. Your friendships are deeper, your words are more meaningful, and the fear of the unknown is but a distant memory, always in the back of your mind somewhere, recalled on certain days and times as necessary, but you've found your niche. Life goes on as normal as it can be. The difference is your family has expanded, your knowledge has deepened, your purpose is refocused.

Protect & Serve: Officer Randal Simmons

I was recently contacted by the people at NRA Life of Duty about one of their features specifically, Protect and Serve. They put together a wonderful tribute for fallen LAPD SWAT Officer Randal Simmons. I was touched by this short film and decided that this is the kind of story that needs to be heard by all. It's a wonderful way to remember the lives of those who protect and serve. We need more officers like Randal Simmons. Here's a description from the website about the feature:

LAPD SWAT Officer Randal Simmons was a well respected officer, a loyal husband, a devoted father and a friend to many. But above all else, Randy was a man of tremendous faith ... a man who truly lived to protect and serve.

the injured officer

 

 

HF icing his twisted knee

 

Last week HF twisted his knee while he was on duty. He was given the week off to elevate and ice his knee. Nice, right? Well, that's what I thought at first. It quickly got ridiculous.  I mean, I understand that he couldn't really do much. But, fantasies about what life would be like if HF got to be home with us for an extended period of time, were greatly diminished. And besides, his presence really threw our groove off. I guess that means that I've adjusted to all the time without him. Here's a sampling of what the injured cop, or my injured cop, does when he has nothing to do:

 

1.  Lots of movie watching. I was privy to his selection: The Marines, 24, Arlington: Field of Honor, National Geogrpahic: Camp Leatherneck, Brian Regan, Neverland, The A-Team, Freakonomics, Clue, The Day of the Jackal, Jiro Dreams of Sushi, Transformers (the cartoon!), Eerie Indiana, Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, etc.

 

2.  Food requests. I guess when you have nothing to do, you feel like eating. A lot. I can't tell you how many nights I was sent out on errands for a food fix. Mostly pizza, but some other surprising needs. For example, while watching Jiro Dreams of Sushi, I was sent out to find sushi and a frosty.

 

3.  Video games and the smart phone. A new video game arrived via the postal service. Come to think of it, we received a package or two nearly every single day that he's been home... Anyway, the video game, Red Dead Redemption. Now he can live out his old west fantasies.

 

4.  Gear. Every night after the kids went to bed, HF would get all his gear out from his handy dandy gear closet, and just fiddle with it. That's really the best explanation and I think all of you know what I mean by that. Just playing and messing around with gear.

 

5.  Sleeping and dreaming. And more sleeping. And bugging me when I'm trying to sleep. We haven't slept every night in the same bed for two years, so getting used to him being there is a challenge. He is a very active sleeper, with active dreams. I woke up one night to him screaming help in my face. The next morning he said he dreamt about a ghost that was going to get him and there was "nothing he could do about it". He also pulls all the covers off of me and wraps himself up like a burrito.

 

6.  ebay. He also did some productive things like selling some of his gear on ebay and helping the kids with their homework after school Hallelujah. He also tried to help clean the kitchen and make dinner a few times before his knee gave out. What a guy.

 

What sort of nonsense does your officer get themselves into when they are stuck at home with an injury or an illness?

therapy

Recently I have been seeing a therapist for anxiety.  My anxiety is something I’ve dealt with my entire life.  Oddly enough I don’t have any anxiety issues about HF’s job.  My anxiety has to do primarily with social situations.

Seeing a therapist has greatly enhanced my personal life.  I feel like I am taking on this problem head on and making some real progress.  As I’ve been meeting with my therapist, often our conversations turn to HF and what he does for a living.  This has gotten me thinking on more than one occasion about the need for police officers to seek counseling.  In the past HF has dealt with some nasty things and was required by his supervisors to see a psychologist for critical incident stress debriefings. This, combined with my current therapy situation, has caused me to ask the question, wouldn’t all police officers benefit from regular counseling? 

I recognize that many officers legitimately don’t need therapy in the sense that they have something wrong with them psychologically, but wouldn’t it make sense for someone in such a high stress, high risk profession to have regular checkup s done much in the same way that they have regular PT testing or physicals?

I wonder if any departments out there do actually require a mental health checkup at least once a year.

HF has told me in the past that, in some departments he is familiar with, there is an attitude among the officers that seeing a therapist is a sign of weakness.  I suspect that this is a nationwide attitude held by many officers.   

Law enforcement is an inherently stressful profession.  Police officers not only have to deal with the public in high risk situations but they also frequently have to deal with their own departments and the unique stresses that each individual department presents.  Then there’s the stresses presented by family and just life in general.  How do officers find time to take care of themselves when they’re so busy taking care of others?  Most of the officers I interact with through this blog and in my life have healthy coping mechanisms.  But thanks to Hollywood, we all know the popular coping mechanisms for cops are alcohol, drugs, sex, violence, and the general perversion of the moral fabric of society.

How do you cope with the stress of being a cop?

Do you see a therapist?

Do you shoot stuff up with your gun?

Are you a fitness junkie?

Do you go out for drinks after every shift?

It is not my intention to judge people’s coping mechanisms.  I am genuinely curious how you guys and gals do it.  I’ve also included a poll on the sidebar about therapy if you wouldn’t mind participating.